22August2017

Indian Democracy (Satire)

Once upon a time, all people of a country thought that they had reached a level of civilization where they needed a self rule.

And then, they decided to implement democracy in that country. Immediately a committee was formed and within 3 years, they had adopted a constitution with rules such as all people can form a govt. for the people, by the people by doing elections. Further, those elected people can create laws and rule the country for the benefit of all people.

All people became very happy with this kind of system and thought that a new era of happiness, prosperity, and security will start after electing their representatives.

The country where this incident was happening was having 2 kinds of people:
a) Common man who was very innocent, honest, down to earth etc.
b) Corrupt (King) and Criminals (Chamcha) who always had habit of snatching from others.

Now ‘Corrupt‘ thought that it is bad time for them as they are in minority while honest people are in majority. If honest people elect honest representatives, they are going to outlaw corruption and put criminals in jails. So they started sulking about it as the election date came closer.

Now criminals reached to their corrupt boss with a sad face and requested him to do something to retain control over their kingdom. The ‘King‘ took a long pause and called his ‘Guru‘ (Businessman). The ‘Businessman‘ took a day to think over this issue and to come up with some solution.

Next day, ‘Businessman‘ came with 3 old criminals who were serving their life-terms. He colored those 3 criminals in 3 colors; “First one as Saffron, 2nd one as White, 3rd one as Green“.

King‘ asked – “Who are they?”
Businessman‘ – They are big criminals.
Now ‘King‘ became suspicious and asked ‘Businessman‘ – “Who is going to trust them? Everybody knows their criminal records”.
Now ‘Businessman‘ spoke with his usual flattery “Respected sir, by changing color (money wise or status wise) people become different. Just see my trick.

Then, he also changed the look of the ‘King‘ with religion mark on the forehead, clothes of a common man (Khadi) and phrases of holy-books.

He told the ‘King‘ – “Now you have become a holy-man. Let us go out to meet the common man in public meetings but just remember 3 things – a) Never look at young girls with your lustful drive; b) Never speak anything else people will identify you as the old King who did all wrongs in the past; and c) Do not hear anything as you might not able to digest your honest criticism.”

Now the ‘King‘ asked “But what these 3 criminals are going to do?”
Businessman‘ – “They are very useful for your election. They are going to do campaigning for you as well as booth capturing”.
“The Saffron one will act as religion expert.
The White one will act as learned, philosopher, poet and speech writer.
The Green one will act as business, media and correspondent.”

Now the ‘King‘ started his caravan to reach the common people. Thousands of people were there to take a look on this saint who was actually the corrupt king. They directly entered into the crowd and the ‘Businessman‘ started shouting “Long live our King!” People started running away after realizing that he is the old King.

Businessman – “Dear common people. Don’t be scared. Our old ‘King’ has changed. Now he has become a saint. Now, he is not taking away young girls forcefully. Now, he is living just to serve you, to spread the message of love and kindness. He did lot of injustice to you and that’s why he is having his eyes closed. Even today, when a young girl was getting kidnapped, he himself fought with 3 criminals to save that girl. Also from today onwards, he is releasing all the slaves and donating all his lands to the common people. Now let us say again – “Long live our King!”

During this speech, the ‘King‘ used to see the crowd around him especially with lots of young girls, he forced his hand inside the pant pocket to control his lust. Meanwhile the ‘Businessman‘ continued:

“Now I may ask this saint to say something to you, but he has become so emotional on seeing your pain, the pain of the common people that his throat has got choked.
Even, if you not yet trusting your old King try to identify these 3 great persons who came here to endorse his candidature.
This White man is a writer, poet and philosopher, the Green one is your media-man representing media houses and the 3rd person, the Saffron one is a religious leader.
Now, the White one is going to sing a poem on this great country & honesty, just for you.”

The criminal doesn’t know anything about country so he shouted “Run, Run!” and other criminals in the crowd thought that it is a signal for them to run so they also started shouting “Run… Run..!” Now, the ‘Businessman‘ signaled all the criminals to keep quiet using the usual hand gesture and told the crowd, “They are singing Patriotic Songs. You all are uneducated, so you can’t understand the meaning of it. Just sing with them.”

Now, the ‘Media-man‘ (Green costume) started telling the crowd- “Only the strong can take care of the weak. King is strong while the common people are honest and weak. So better let the strong rule the country so that the weaker sections have better security. Other candidates are doing the same. They are more corrupt but putting blame on this great saint by having conspiracy against him. We must demand a probe to expose this conspiracy”

Finally, the ‘Religious‘ leader (Saffron costume) started as – “As per our books, whoever does sacrifice here will get more in heaven. Whoever faces sadness here, will get happiness there. With same logic, whoever makes King here will be King, there in heaven. So, let’s make him King here in this useless world and you will be awarded Kingship in heaven”

And the innocent people trusted these 3 people who were educated and better thinkers than them. So they selected the same old King as representative of common man for security, prosperity and happiness.

Now, all these old ‘Kings‘ reached in parliament and they made the first law for common man “In the morning, we need a young girl as breakfast (money without any work); in the lunch (money during parliament session), we need a married but young woman and lastly for dinner, due to health reasons, we will be happy with a young pearly boy only (Pension and other benefits after retirement).

That, my dear readers, is the story of how “Mera Bharat Mahaan!” (My Great India, Bharat) was born and remains so as of today.

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15 Responses to "Indian Democracy (Satire)"

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    Good Article. Really I think Indians need to look into their own government who consult astrologers for almost everything they do. Read this interesting link: http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2009/12/new_agers_and_creationists_sho.html

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